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Today I sat down, hoping to catch up on the endless amount of blog posts that I have been meaning to write. And by ‘meaning to write” I mean “I have six half-assed posts written and saved under ‘drafts’ just waiting to be completed and published.  But I know myself. Those will never be written, at least not in individual posts. There just aren’t enough hours in the day and in the Kranz household, the days seem to be getting shorter by the minute.

Why are our days getting shorter you ask?

Because two weeks ago we were blindsided with some exciting and overwhelming news when a tiny white stick revealed two blue lines.

And then the second stick also revealed two blue lines.

And so did the physician’s pregnancy test strip.

Ready or not, we are unexpectedly expecting baby number three!

To say we were surprised, is quite the understatement. (For those of you who have already had the pleasure of hearing the ‘how we found out’ story, or get squimish when someone utters the phrase “my period is late,” feel free to scroll past the next few paragraphs.)

Two weeks ago, I made an announcement to Marty as he sprawled himself on the couch after tucking the girls in bed. “Guess what?  I’m late.”

Marty: “Late-late or Kate-late?” (Kate-late is defined as being more than 12 hours late which ultimately means you are, without a doubt, pregnant).

“I don’t know. Three days late.”

“Psh, that’s nothing. Stop freaking out. You always think you are pregnant and you never are. Besides, you’re on the pill. Just relax.”

So I did… until the next evening when I was still late.

As we walked around the putt-putt course with our friends I casually mentioned to Jen “Dude, I’m late.” By the look on her face you would have thought I told her I had bomb in my diaper bag and was ready to take out the golf course windmill.

“What do you mean you’re late? Take a test! You have to take a test!”

By now Marty interjected, “She does not need to take a test. She isn’t pregnant. She always thinks she is and she isn’t.”

We continued to chase our toddlers as they chased their golf balls around the 18-but-felt-like-81 holes and then settled in for a soft pretzel and diet coke on the patio. As our husbands chatted about cops-and-robbers stuff, Jen quietly urged “Dude, you have to take a test. Like now… or tomorrow morning. And call me as soon as you do. Holy shit what if you are pregnant?!”

The next morning as I drove into work, I bypassed my regular hot chocolate pitstop and instead swung into Walgreens. As I paced the aisles, I casually tossed random items into my basket. Lip gloss, Swedish fish candy, nail polish remover, Gatorade. Anything to cover up the two pack of pregnancy tests that occupied the bottom of the basket. Anything to avoid “the look” from the cashier that screams “Good luck girl.”

Since my husband didn’t want me taking a test as he was ‘positive I wasn’t pregnant,” I called a friend for a ‘pre-pregnancy test pep talk.’ She laughed when I told her that I planned to take a test before work and reassured me that I was stressing myself out over nothing, as I had done so many other times in the past. With a newfound confidence I tucked my pregnancy tests under my arm and headed into the bathroom at work.

For any woman who has taken an ‘unexpected’ pregnancy test, the two minutes it takes for the test results to be revealed can seem to take hours.  At that moment, I would have killed for those two minutes…because within seconds (yes, seconds) the test was positive.

Positive.

As in “ready or not Kate, you’re soon to be the mother of three.”

I ran out of the bathroom (okay, it was more of a brisk walk) and into the office break room where my poor unsuspecting co-worker (also pregnant) was trying to hold down her lunch. Apparently my face said too much and before I made it out the door she ask “What’s wrong with you? You’re as white as a sheet.”

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. Saying those words felt completely awkward. “Holy shit Rachel, I’m pregnant!” (I think I shoved my pee-stick in her face and demanded her to read it to me, as if I needed a second opinion when it came to reading two pink lines.)

I don’t remember what she said in response, something about ‘we told you not to drink the water here,’ because I was half way out the door with my phone in one hand and fate-on-a-stick in the other hand.

“You were wrong!” I shrieked when Haley answered the phone. “I am pregnant!”

Silence

And then laughter.

She laughed, because the truth was, nothing surprises her when it came to our family.  Each year our family is slammed with a change that uproots us from our comfortable place and makes us re-evaluate and rearrange our lives to better handle our new life situation.  It had been a few months since my last “alright-you-aren’t-going-to-believe-this” phone call, so it was bound to happen sometime soon. And today was the day.

Today was the day our world changed, again.

The rest of the day I walked through the office in a fog, trying to focus on my patient’s questions, demands, and ailments, but I couldn’t get the fear of going home out of my head. How in the world was I going to tell Marty? How could I tell him that the baby we had only talked about trying for in January/ February would now be here in the spring?

That night, I drove home desperately trying to devise a plan to announce to my husband that I was indeed ‘with child’.  I began thinking back to seven years ago when he proposed and asked me to be his forever. I remember the planning that went into that night and the pure surprise and excitement I felt when he popped the question.  After that night, I dreamed of when I could be the one to surprise him, to be the one to announce a surprise that would change our lives forever.  I didn’t get that moment with our first pregnancy. I didn’t get that with our second pregnancy. This may be my only shot… and I had nothing.

When I found my little family playing in the backyard, sitting on lawn chairs, discussing whatever it is that little girls discuss with their daddies, I had to hold my breath in fear that I would blurt out the news without so much as a warning.  I’d like to say I came up with a jaw-dropping and clever way of announcing my pregnancy to my husband, but I did not. In fact, I cowardly tried convincing my three year old to make the announcement for me.

She refused. I think it was her (and God’s) way of saying “sorry honey, it’s all you. Suck it up.”

I approached my husband, tears in my eyes and said “I have never been so afraid to tell you something before… but I have something to tell you.”

“Alright….”

“I’m pregnant.”

Silence.

Then laughter.

Apparently I kept missing the punch line.

“Very funny Kate. You can’t be pregnant. You’re on birth control. Just because you are late, doesn’t mean you are pregnant. Just relax.”

“Three positive pregnancy tests would prove otherwise, Marty. I am pregnant.”

Now it was Marty’s face to turn white as a sheet… and to put his head between his knees.

When he regained his composure he adamantly requested to see the tests. All three tests. One wasn’t sufficient, he had to see all three.  I giggled nervously as I handed him the tests, the kind of laughter that I usually reserve for funerals, break-ups, and my yearly gynecologic exam. But when I saw his face, really saw his face when the realization sank in, I lost it.

I cried.

Right there, in our backyard where the neighbors could hear my sobs and were likely judging me during my ‘terrible mother moment’ as I sobbed “Im so sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t plan this either. Not now, it’s not what we planned. I’m so sorry.”

And then that husband of mine, reminded me exactly why I said yes and decided to marry him seven years ago. He gently grabbed me by the shoulders, looked into my eyes, and chuckled (because grown men don’t giggle).  “Kate, do not apologize. After all, it’s not like you did this by yourself!”

And that was that.

Prepared or not, baby number three is on it’s way and even though it is a few months earlier than we had originally planned, this baby was always a part of our life’s plan. We had an idea as to how our family would grow, but God’s plan was greater.

And God? He doesn’t make mistakes.

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