Self-Reflection: Why it is Important and Where to Begin

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One of the greatest blessings in life is that every day you are given the opportunity to change, improve and develop. But one of the most difficult challenges we face as we get older is that each day you are given the opportunity to change, improve and develop as a person. Change isn’t easy. It isn’t required and in many cases it is met with resistance. With change comes consequences and fear of the unknown. But choosing to stay still (and yes, it is a choice) is not only boring and predictable but arguably has the potential to be just as destructive and dangerous.

Refusing to grow or even consider change will leave you suffering, because change is fundamental to human life. Resisting change will leave you struggling against yourself as well as society. The world continues to evolve so why aren’t you? As you gain more experiences, relationships and knowledge shouldn’t you also gain new perspectives and insight too? Most importantly, shouldn’t you be seeking insight not just externally by trying to understand the world, but also engage in self-reflection and inwardly attempt to find insight?

Let’s put it another way:

When was the last time you ran a security scan on your computer?

When was the last time you tested the smoke detectors in your home?

Have you ever cleaned the filters of your furnace?

Changed the oil in your car?

These assessments are done regularly to ensure that your electronics and devices work appropriately, continue to run efficiently, keep you safe and prevent damage or dysfunction. However we rarely check and evaluate our own inner workings to see if we are still living with integrity and grace.

When was the last time you scrutinized your beliefs and asked yourself “why?”

Why do I believe this?
Do I still believe this?
Is this view still relevant?
Does this mentality serve me well and even more importantly does is serve others? Who does it not serve?
How is this belief allowing me to grow? How is it holding me back?
Where does this belief come from? Was this ever truly my belief or was it placed on my shoulders by someone else? Have I adopted this principle as my own because it was gifted to me by my parents, friends or society? Or was it created by my past life circumstances that may no longer apply?

I encourage you to answer these questions as honestly as possible.

Now, remove the cloak of self-preservation.
Answer the questions again.

Remove your glasses, sit blindly for awhile and then borrow the glasses of your enemies.
Answer the questions again.

Tear away all layers of pride, indoctrination, animosity, hurt, oppression, greed and envy. If you don’t think these exist within you, go back and start the process again because no one is free from these faults.

When you are left feeling raw, exposed and utterly vulnerable

answer the questions again.

It’s important that we evaluate ourselves frequently. It is not enough to continue to believe the same story or to tell yourself the same narrative that you have for years simply because it has always been your view. As your life evolves and new experiences arise, your beliefs also need to be brought into question; not because they are necessarily wrong, but because you owe it to yourself to determine if these beliefs are still true or if you have simply fallen into the comfortable valley of mediocrity.

Now answer the questions again.

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Adding a Little More Love to Valentine’s Day

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Running off the bus on the first day of summer vacation, catching snow flakes on eyelashes while making snow angels and licking the spoon after mom bakes a treat are inherently magical. Childhood is a magical time and as a mom I must constantly remind myself of that fact in order to keep from running myself to the point of exhaustion trying to create a magical childhood for my children. Before having kids, I knew so much and swore I’d be the mom who woke up early on every holiday, birthday or special occasion and create an extra (aka over-the-top) specialness to the day. If only I could go back in time and tell pre-kid Kate how difficult that is to actually execute when you are elbow deep in 3rd grade homework, potty training and breastfeeding.

Now that the kids are getting older though and the ‘magic’ of some childhood activities are on the cusp of extinction for my oldest, I do try to create (or rather revisit) small traditions we began when the kids were younger to celebrate the smaller holidays and milestones; adding sprinkles to the already sweet childhood if you will.

Valentine’s Day was a holiday we seemed to frequently overlook. With one birthday at the end of January and another on February 13th, we often woke up on the 14th with a nod of “hey, Happy Valentine’s Day” as we quickly ran kids out the door , praying there was just enough Valentine’s Day cards in their bag for their classmates. December through February 13th felt like a gauntlet and February 14th was the finish line with little attention to the holiday itself.

A few years ago, for a holiday celebrating love, I decided to recognize each child’s features and talents and highlight what makes them special….specifically what we love about them.

In the past I’ve used my Cricut machine to cut out basic heart shapes for the sheer fact that it saves time, however this year I used the tried-and-true method: fold paper twice, draw heart, cut one heart and ta-da four hearts are done. I cut 14 hearts for each child and on each heart I wrote a simple note stating what I loved about that child.

“Lily, I love how you are so kind to others at school.”

“Charley, I love how you always ask for an extra kiss at bedtime.”

“Xander, I love your contagious giggles.”

“Jojo, I love how you aren’t afraid to try new things. You are so brave.”

Simple. Specific. Personalized.

Each morning I would place one heart on the wall for the kids to find when they woke up and they would squeal with delight when they found their heart; eager to share their message with each other. More importantly, for the 14 days leading up to the holiday they would head off for school filled with extra love knowing that their momma

recognized their dedication.


adored their silly giggles.


admired their faith in God.


applauded their creativity.

praised their inquisitiveness .

Each heart is as unique as the child it was written for, but the love is equally distributed. This year, while placing the final hearts on the wall one heart caught my attention and took my breath away. Unbeknownst to me, my own mom snuck her own carefully crafted heart on the wall for her first baby to find.

Babies may get older, the childhood magic may dull or fade, but a mother’s love for her child never disappears.

Does your family do anything to add a little magic to this holiday? Share in the comments below!

New Year, New You: How to Really Make a Change

Are you sick of them yet? You know the posts, the ones that flood social media the first week of the year claiming “this is my year!” 

This year I will eat all the kale and give up carbs.
This year I will go to the gym every day after work.
This year I will start a business and quit my dead end job.
This year I will write a novel. 
This year I will _(fill in the blank)____. 

Don’t misunderstand, I have been there.  I was notorious for making the New Year’s resolutions only to be half-assing it by January 27thand having completely abandoned my resolution by the second week in February at best.  One year I tried to increase my chances of being successful with maintaining my resolution by making a goal that wasn’t as big.  Instead of “I will write every single day” I would tell myself “I will post on my blog twice a month.”

Big surprise, making my goal smaller didn’t work either. 

I also tried to set myself up for success by making sure that I had all of the tools at my disposal so when that designated start date arrived, I would be ready.  If my goal was to “get healthy” (a rather vague goal if you ask me) I bought cute work out clothes with motivational quotes on the front, bought Tupperware free of leftover spaghetti stains for meal prep and downloaded all of the high energy 90’s pop music on my ipod.  I scoured Pinterest for all the quinoa recipes and made my grocery lists in the order that I would find them in the produce section. 

I prepared everything I could…. except my mindset. 

As it turns out, this was my missing golden ticket. 

In early 2019 I began to feel extremely uncomfortable and anxious. What was worse was I couldn’t pinpoint the root cause.  My life is relatively boring and predictable. I don’t say this flippantly, but as far as trauma and stress go, I’m as vanilla as it gets.  Having gotten married at 23 and my first child at 25, I spent a large portion of my twenties raising babies and establishing my career.  Now here I was, ten years and four children later and I felt like a stranger in my own skin.  I ultimately found myself blindly starting a path to self-discovery, although I was completely oblivious to it at the time. 

I read everything I could get my hands on that spoke to that small spark inside me; that fire that has been suppressed by sippy cup refills and preschool drop offs.  I listened to podcasts on loop and took every recommended test and self-help tool to learn more about myself. 

Basically, I spent 2019 figuring myself out.  

Despite my solo work, I continued to feel uneasy. A leap of faith in July landed me in Dallas, Texas with one of my girlfriends for a conference that I didn’t realize I needed until my feet hit the “You Were Made for More” stamped pavement. The conference solidified everything I had been struggling to piece together for the past few months: it wasn’t my lack of motivation, knowledge or preparation that kept me from achieving my goals.

It was my mentality.

By putting in the work, (re)discovering who I am, I have been able to shift my perspectives and focus my efforts on using what I have learned and apply it to maximize results in all areas of my life.   My energy level, mental clarity, marriage, health, friendships, work productivity, sleep, motivation and confidence all improved in 2019.  Are they perfect?  Hell no, but I’m much further along than I was before. 

You don’t need to wait until Monday to start a healthy eating plan.

You don’t need to have a fancy website to start a business.

You don’t need an anniversary to celebrate your marriage.

And you certainly don’t need a new year to become a better/stronger/smarter/richer/healthier/happier person.

A start date is just that, a day on the calendar. If you want change, real change, change your current way of thinking. If your current mindset was serving you, what you are doing would be working.

If your mentality hasn’t changed since last year; if you haven’t learned how to combat those toxic voices that tell you to quit, how to ward off those triggers that make you sink back into your old habits, or how to push through your comfort zone when motivation is lacking then no amount of “this is my year” Facebook posts or vision boards will generate new results.

So set the big goals for yourself, but remember that drafting a game plan is only the beginning of the play. Execution of the plan and following through with your commitment when it becomes inconvenient is the hardest part.

“Set big goals for yourself, but remember
that drafting a game plan
is only the beginning of the play.”

Prepare for errors, I assure you they will happen and evaluate the weaknesses in your internal blueprint that may throw you off course. No one else can hold you back, but you can.

Figure out who you are; what drives you, what limits you, what do you do to sabotage your goals and plan accordingly.

This can be your year, but you have to change in order to see results.