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I heard a scream at 6:30am this morning. It was followed by three sets of cries. Lily had a nightmare and subsequently woke her younger siblings. I grudgingly rolled out of bed and comforted my littles as I filled sippy cups and put Ninja Turtle cartoons on the T.V.
I never had the privilege of meeting this little one, but I know her Momma and my husband worked with her Daddy. The love for their children always radiated from them. The loss that they experienced that day, seeing their broken spirits (and bodies) in the hospital, hearing her mother’s cries, the desperate pleas to wake up from this horrible dream and seeing the strong look on her Daddy’s face as he tried to be brave for his wife and children; are burned into my memory. And yet, the sadness, fear, and wavering faith I felt that day, are no doubt just a minuscule fraction of what they continue to feel every.single.day since June 25, 2012.
I struggle with my relationship with God (I’m not ashamed to admit it) and it’s because of tragedies like this one that sends me into a spinning nose-dive of “why’s” and “where were you’s”. For months, I tried to wrap my mind around the tragedy, how He could allow this to happen to this beautiful family?
It wasn’t until recently when someone pointed out that this was not the work of God. That this was not God’s plan.
I always thought that was a ludicrous and insulting statement anyways, to suggest that this was “God’s will,” but I had no answer to suggest otherwise. But in what world, could the death of a child, be the plan of a loving God? I can’t believe that and continue to trust and have faith in God. God’s plan was for Olivia to continue to grow, learn to read, have her first kiss, go to college, fall in love. No, this was not an act of God. This tragedy arose from the hands of the Devil. A Devil that entered the heart of a tormented and disturbed woman, causing her to be consumed with the idea of suicide, drink herself into obliteration and get behind the wheel that fateful Monday evening.
I have to believe that.
* * * * * *
Lives like Olivia’s.
I still remember this too; I didn’t even know them. We drive by that corner a lot, and I see the flowers tied to a tree and I think of her. And I remember the benefit her parents organized, making all those tent cards and my surgery, all in that crazy week. I didn’t even know this family, and I think of their daughter. Sad isn’t even a word.
Beautifully written, as always!
Kate,
I am just coming to read this now (almost a month later) but you are correct that it isn’t the will of God. God doesn’t want ANY of us to die. We die because of sin. It is the sin that is in this world that has tragedies like this happen- parents losing children too soon. It is horrible, but that is why He sent His Son for us. So that we could live with Him one day again. It is the devil’s fault; his fault we have sin in this world and now must pay the consequence for our sin in death. We must remember though that we have the gift of God in eternal life with him.
Going through my colloquy classes, there is a quote that I remember- Our God is so great that he takes human evil and uses it to create something good.
My heart goes out to this family. God is using this though to do something better. Maybe their tragedy had someone else think twice about drinking and driving (and thus saved other lives). We never know the extent to what good will come of this, but it is there. I know that it is hard for them to see the good (because what can be better than holding your baby here in your arms and parenting them here), but it is there.
I pray that God is with them and watches over them. He will give them comfort and peace. He knows how their hearts are aching and longing to hold their daughter again.
As always, you wrote a beautiful post. I always like to read them.