Always Kiss Your Momma

The day Alexander was born I became a “boy mom.” (Although to be honest, I was always annoyed by the phrases “boy mom” and “girl mom” as if that made any difference to parenting. Moms with girls could have rough and tumble little girls who preferred mud pies over Easy Bake ovens; Moms with boys could have soft spoken little boys who carried a baby doll instead of Spiderman). Nonetheless, when Xander was born we unofficially met our gender quota and could relax in knowing that we would no longer be asked the intrusive question “are you going to try for a boy?”

After the delivery of each child I would stare at my sweet newborn’s face and marvel how something could fit so perfectly into my heart despite only arriving a mere hour ago. I would gently rock the new love of my life, pray obsessively over their little body and make promises that I hoped I would never break.

“Dear God thank you for this miracle that you have given us. Please help guide me to be the mother that this child deserves.”

As I kissed his sweet face I whispered, “I promise to nurture you in every way that I can. I promise to guide you as your grow into the incredible person I know you will become. I can’t promise that you will always be happy and I guarantee you will have your heart broken throughout your life, but I can promise that I will always be there for you. I promise to love you for who you are, not who I want you to be. I promise to let you make your own mistakes and choices, even when it is not what I would choose for you. I will teach you strength, compassion, truth and empathy. I promise to teach you manners, how to be respectful, how to treat girls-especially your sisters and momma….”

I remember pausing at that moment, alone with him in the middle of the night, and realizing that I would forever be the first woman he loved. For some reason it seemed more pivotal than it did with my girls. I knew that for the first few years of his life the sun would rise and set with me and as a pre-schooler he would announce “when I grow up I’m going to marry Momma.” I also knew that as the years passed this would fade and he would eventually grow to become someones boyfriend, fiancé and (God-willing) husband.

Post-delivery hospital memories are usually a blurry dream-like state for me, but this is a memory I have managed to keep clear in my mind. As tears welled in my tired eyes I made one more promise to Alexander,

“I promise to remind you to always kiss your momma.”

I realized that for the first eighteen-ish years of his life, he would need me to reassure him of my unending love for him. But as he grew and I began to feel the stinging pull of my baby boy leaving? I may be the one who needed the reassurance.

To this day, if you ask Alexander ‘what is the number one rule in this house?” He will respond with a toothless giggle, “always kiss your momma.”

It’s a ‘rule’ we practice nightly as I tuck him into bed. Still young enough to need a nightlight and his ‘Buddy’ blanket, but old enough to no longer need his mom’s lullabies and rocking chair cuddles, he will declare “always kiss your momma” before each goodnight kiss. Some nights I’ll tease him and ask “what about when you are in 3rd grade, 4th grade or 5th grade?” He will smile and say “Ill still always kiss my momma.”

“What about when you have a girlfriend?”
“Eww! I’ll still kiss my momma!”

As he leaves for school, his backpack bounces when he runs back to me on the front porch. The bus comes to a stop in front of our house and he gladly make his school mates wait as he says “I didn’t forget mom. Always kiss your momma.”

When I leave for work in the morning, I am frazzled and balancing my planner and coffee in one hand, quickly shelling out hugs, kisses and ‘you’re going to do great on your test today’ affirmations. Alexander reminds me “hey! Always kiss your momma!”

I’m not naive and I know it may not always be this easy. Someday his friends will be hangin’ around and he will be embarrassed. As a teenager he will inevitably ‘hate’ me for one reason or another and may refuse to show any form of affection as a means of retaliation (and I will have to try my damnedest to not let him know how much it hurts me). He may have an adoring girlfriend and reserve all of his affections for her. It will be during those years that I will fondly remember the memories we are creating today; the way he holds my face in his little hands, the way he giggles and the way he proudly and openly declares his love for his momma.

Someday the lap sitting, cuddles and calling me “momma” will fade into high fives and ‘hey mom”. He will likely stand taller than me, his voice will grow deep and his face will be rough with stubble while I look back and fondly remember the memories of today.

A mother’s love never dies, nor does the love a child has for his mother and I think it is important that we teach children to not be ashamed to show this love. I think as parents it should be our mission to show children, especially young boys, that affection is not a sign of weakness nor is love something that you should be ashamed of or kept hidden.

Even though this tradition began the day Xander was born, nowadays all four of my children happily follow this family “rule.” Every night I thank God for gifting me these children and my love for them does not change based on their gender. I am both a “girl mom” and a “boy mom” and I wear these badges with honor. I continue to ask for God’s guidance as I strive everyday to be the mother that they deserve. I am sure that some days I fall incredibly short of being a perfect mother, but I pray that my children never doubt my love for them and that they never stop kissing their momma.