Canada Conference Craziness

Today I had planned on driving to Dearborn for a “Women’s Health Visit” CME conference.  But when my alarm went off at 6am (and again at 6:10 and again at 6:20) I decided that learning more about pap smears, Gardasil, and osteoporosis was not in the cards for me today. Instead, I asked the babysitter to come an hour later and leisurely roamed around the house before deciding to throw my hair into a greasy ponytail and throw on a fashionable GVSU T-shirt and shorts. When the sitter arrived, I bolted out the door.

A morning to myself.

Can you feel my muscles relax? Can you hear me singing Taylor Swift in the car as I drove away? Can you feel my stress decrease just a little bit?

I decided that rather than catch up on STD prevention and contraception methods, I’d spend my morning doing whatever I want: blogging, reading, working on our digital family photo album. Anything that I could do from the comfort of the Barnes and Noble that I have decided to inhabit this morning.

Last night, as I (finally) published my post on my evening with my fellow PoPoW’s I realized how many unfinished posts I have waiting for me to complete. Therefore, that will be my first task this morning…

A few weeks ago, I packed my rather large suitcase, kissed my girls good-bye and headed to Toronto for a five day weekend with my favorite PA girls for the annual American Academy of Physician Assistants conference.  My excitement was slightly higher than a little kid on Christmas morning… and probably unnecessarily so. But this was my first ever weekend away from my little girls, my husband, and spent with my girlfriends.  I may have even danced a little when waiting for Meg and Sara to pick me up.

As the three of us drove the three hour trip to Lauren’s home in Ontario, there wasn’t a second that wasn’t filled with talking and loud laughter as we quickly tried to catch each other up on our lives since we last saw each other.

When we pulled into the driveway and Lauren ran out to greet us, it was as if the three years since PA school vanished… we were almost all together again.

That night, we celebrated the upcoming arrival of little baby boy Hollis, devoured yummy home-made enchiladas, and ate way too much confetti cake. We shrieked with excitement that we were all together again with no husbands, no babies, and no responsibilities for five whole days.  We all went to bed that night, not needing to set alarm clocks or shush little kids to sleep.

In the morning, I woke feeling completely refreshed and rejuvenated. I flung the blanket off and not-so-quietly walked upstairs, convinced I slept in the latest and the last to wake. Instead, the house was silent except for the ticking on the kitchen clock which read 6:45am.

6:45am? No way. How could I possibly feel this wide-awake this early in the morning? I check the time on my cell phone.

6:45 am

Hmm. Guess not having to wake up in the middle of the night to ease nightmare fears, fix blankets, or pick up dropped stuffed animals makes a difference in the quality of sleep you can get.

An hour later, as my friends began to wake, we huddled under the blankets on Lauren’s bed and discussed everything from baby poop blow-outs, husbands who don’t pick up after themselves, and non-compliant patients.  We had breakfast and took our time getting ready for our drive into the city.  As we loaded our large suitcases into the car like a game of Tetris, the excitement began to build again. Once in the city, we would meet up with Becca and Molly and our girls weekend could really begin.

While the bulk of our trip was spent in lectures from 8am to 5pm learning about diuretics, Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome, and chronic kidney disease, the evenings were ours and they were ah-mazing.

We explored the city of Toronto, ate delicious dinners, sipped over-priced alcoholic drinks, and laughed until we nearly peed our pants at the comedy club.

We sat in our 2 bedroom hotel suite and discussed SIADH and the acute abdomen while Becca pumped and the rest of us gorged on our smorgasbord of snacks. We acted like tourists, looked up at the buildings while we walked throughout the city and stopped to take ridiculous pictures.

We took note of all our Canadian observations that left us confused, frustrated, or completely amused:

Gas station attendants still do exist and when you get out of your car, laugh at the two blue balls spinning around on the gas pump, and have absolutely no idea how to turn it on, the attendant will begrudgingly help the not-from-around-here-are-you girls.

Fountain pop is a rarity and you must go on two mile walks in the early morning hours in search of a restaurant that serves fountain pop. And when discovered, it shoots out of the machine alternating between syrup and carbonated water making you think the machine needs repair, but in fact, that’s just how it’s done in Canada.

Cheque= form of payment
Check= hitting in hockey

Driving is slightly difficult when everything is measured in kilometers and your car only measures in miles.

Mountain Dew does not contain caffeine.  (I know, if blew our minds too)

Recycling containers placed throughout a conference center without trash bins confuses wasteful Americans who are used to throwing away anything without a ten cent deposit. For example, if you were lucky enough to find a fountain pop and now want to dispose of the cup, do you throw it in the paper receptacle, the plastic receptacle, does it really matter? Where the hell is a normal trash can?!

The music selection in public places is simply fabulous. In one afternoon, our ears were graced with the sounds of Gansta’s Paradise, Pump Up the Jam, and numerous Backstreet Boys ballads.

Canadian convenience stores surpass all Walgreens, Rite-Aids, and CVS’ in “the states.” Where else can your forgetful friend purchase a breast pump at 8pm on a Saturday night when she is in desperate need of relief?

Bottled pop is ridiculously expensive. However, when you desperately need caffeine to survive eight hours of lectures, you will agree to pay $3.00 for a 20oz of Pepsi.

Michigan accents are very similar to Minnesotan accents. We speak through our noses and have ‘nasally accents.”  For instance, we say “mam” instead of “mom” and “an” instead of “on.” (Go ahead, say it out loud, it’s true)

There are no pharmaceutical commercials on Canadian television channels.

Hotel pools with a depth of 1.2 (meters) just looks weird.

Toilet paper in public restrooms dispense like napkin dispensers.

Asking to have all your nacho toppings placed in a bowl and your chips kept separate (in order to dip your chips into the nacho goodness) is ‘very strange and must be a USA thing.”

And the number one Canadian observation that completely baffled us American girls…  milk is bought in plastic bags, not plastic jugs and put into pitchers once at home. (weird huh?)

Although I was excited to return home, to sleep in my own bed, and hug my girls and husband, the five days in Toronto with my PA girls went entirely too fast. Thinking back, so did our time spent in PA school.  The days were long, the tests were difficult, and the stress level was indescribable, but those three years were over within the blink of an eye and sometimes (only sometimes) I wish we were back in PA school. Studying at Panera, sipping gallons of caffeine-filled Mountain Dew, and drawing diagrams to better understand neuropathology, the RAAS system, or the coagulation cascade.  Other days I am beyond grateful not to have to sit through another TBB lecture or type up Clin Med objectives.

But no matter what, I will always be grateful for my PA friends that I obtained through the way.

Nothing compares to a friend who can relate to the frustrations with noncompliant patients, discuss pap smears and the whiff test without gagging, and laugh at your medical-related jokes that are often lost on everyone else.

Nothing else compares.


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