PA Pet Peeves

I love my career, really I do. But my plan was always to work part-time as a physician assistant, part time as a stay at home mom. After Marty was laid off last June, I’ve significantly increased my hours and juggle two part-time positions. We all complain about our jobs, it’s only natural. If we didn’t complain about the long hours, impossible to please bosses, nosey co-workers, and demanding clients we would surely explode.

However, yesterday was a horrible work day.  And the worst part was, it was for no particular reason.
My schedule was busy, but managable.
My co-workers were happy and helpful.
My patients weren’t exceptionally difficulty or demanding.

However, yesterday was one of those days. Those days when everything irks you. Every. little. thing.

I went home exhausted and frustrated with medicine and health care overall. And so, today I take a break from posting “mommy” stuff and will vent my frustrations. I apologize in advance… I think this job may be making me a tad bit jaded.

And so, without further ado, my list of my PA Pet Peeves (in no particular order):
**Dedicated to my fellow PA friends who undoubtably can relate to these…**

If you’re over-weight, really over weight, taking off your sandles prior to stepping on the scale isn’t going to make a difference. Trust me.

If you come in for treatment for a bug bite, please do not be annoyed when I can not tell you which insect gave you the itchy red bump. I studied medicine, not entomology.

If you are not on birth control, not using condoms, and are sexually active; according to biology you are trying to get pregnant. Please do not be surprised if you do.

Bodily fluid samples, if needed, will be requested. Please do not bring them in otherwise.

Regarding your appointment: if you are late, you’ll need to wait.

Headache, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea are side effects, not ‘allergic reactions.’ If you experience one of these after taking a medication, you are not allergic to it.

I don’t know everything, I don’t claim to. But I did study medicine and my degree and license prove that. Please do not demand a certain medication or become angry when I suggest (or don’t suggest) a particular medicine.

This is a medical office, not McDonald’s. There isn’t a drive-thru window and you can’t get everything ‘made to order.’  Please do not call and request an antibiotic or a new medication without making an appointment to be seen by a provider.

It is your responsibility to know your insurance coverage. There is absolutely no way I can know what your insurance covers.

If you don’t remember what medication you are taking, telling me it is a “small, round, and white pill” is of absolutely no help. You wouldn’t tell a police officer that your stolen car is “red with four wheels” would you?

Sometimes, I can’t tell you what is wrong or what your diagnosis is unless we run further labs or tests.

Just because Dr. X wrote you prescription for #120 Xanax, doesn’t mean I will.

Pap smears and complete physical exams are not urgent. You do not need to be seen today. Make an appointment.

If you don’t have insurance, I sympathize, really I do. But it is really hard to feel sorry for you when you are holding a coach purse, an Iphone, wearing Jimmy Choo shoes and complain that the $10 antibiotic is too expensive.

Make sure you have your priorities in order when it comes to spending money on your healthcare. Requesting a prescription refill of your erectile dysfunction medication (which you are bound to pay out of pocket for) and then requesting a sample of your asthma medication is frustrating. One is more important then the other, trust me.

Please do not come and ask to be screened for “all cancers.” There are very few tests to screen for cancer and you may not be at risk for any of them.

Please, please, please do not come to the office for a Pap smear when you are on your period. Enough said.

When I suggest you go to the ER, please go. It is my way of saying, “The symptoms you are describing scare the begeezus out of me and I don’t have the resources to treat you here, so GO!”

Antibiotics do not treat colds or the flu. If you have a runny nose for 2 days, you do not need an antibiotic.

When I ask for your sexual/drug/smoking/pyschiatric history, I am not being nosey. I need to know for medical purposes.

I am human, I dont know eveything, I run late, I take a lunch break, and potty breaks to. Please respect that.

Being rude will get you no where. If you are rude to the office staff/medical assistant/nurse, I will know.

Be honest with the medical assistant/nurse when they ask why you are being seen in the office today.  It is their job to prepare me for the exam. If you say you have an ear infection because you are too embarrassed to tell them you really want STD testing, I won’t be prepared.

When you refuse the flu shot, then come into the office a month later complaining of flu -like symptoms, in the back of my mind I will be thinking “I told you so.”

Honesty is the best policy and if you don’t understand something, ask me.  No question or symptom will embarrass me. Trust me, I’ve heard stranger things.  I would rather you ask me a ‘stupid question’ then to become pregnant because you were taking your birth control vaginally or find out you do have discharge while doing a pap smear but were too embarrassed to mention it before.

When I ask how long you have been having a particular symptom, please be specific. Saying you’ve had the symptom for “awhile, “not too long”, or “for a minute” does not help. Hours, days, weeks are appreciated.