Friendship Quality

There was a time, not so long ago, that when it came to the game of Life, friendship quantity trumped friendship quality. As if having more plastic pegs in my car game piece made me a guaranteed winner when I finally reached my destination. Sure I wanted good friends; friends I could trust, friends I could count on, but at the end of the day, I was happy to surround myself with twenty-five good friends instead of a handful of totally amazing once-in-a-lifetime friends.

In fact, if I’m completely honest with myself, at the time I may have actually considered them all to be ‘once in a lifetime friends.’ But in reality, how many of them did I really know and how many really knew me? Not many. Those that did, they stuck around (and these days I probably couldn’t get rid of them if I tried), the others fizzled out after graduation, marriage, and babies #1, #2, and coming soon #3.

I think the idea of quantity over quality was something engrained into my brain during my middle school years. I’d like to say that I wasn’t as impressionable as most pre-teens are; after all I never held a cigarette, tasted alcohol, tried drugs, or even kissed a boy (much to my dismay) but when it came to friends, I was a middle school addict.

Each year I kept most of my friends from the years prior, but I continued to add to my ‘Best Friends Forever’ necklace collection. In fact, one year I distinctly remember having a three-way best friend necklace with two of my BFF’s (a peace sign, heart, and smiley face of course)… friends who I barely spoke to the following year as we had officially moved on to our next BFF.

The trend continued in college, but it wasn’t until Marty and I were planning our wedding during my last year of college when I realized that I had spent so long surrounding myself with as many friends as possible, rather than truly developing each friendship to its full potential. Originally, my husband wanted seven groomsmen. I, on the other hand, was panicked at the thought. How in the world could I think of seven close girlfriends that could not only stand by my side on my wedding day, but that I knew would be present in our new life together for years and years to come?

I had surrounding myself with so many semi-good friends, but couldn’t pick seven close friends to stand as bridesmaids. Luckily, we compromised and agreed on five groomsmen and five bridesmaids, which made my decision making process much easier. It was that year that I decided to put more effort and time into my cherished friendships, the friendships that would stand the test of time.

I’ll admit that over the course of the six years since our wedding, one move across the state, several job changes (for both Marty and I) and 2.5 children later, I haven’t always been a stellar friend. But at the end of the day, I am incredibly thankful for the friendships I have maintained and the new ones that continue to develop.

Today, I’m incredibly thankful for the friends…

that send cards that say this when you just wanna cry about having a belly bump at 7 weeks pregnant.

that send hand written letters (seriously, who does that anymore? Awesome friends, that’s who) to tell you that no matter what changes, they have your back.

who don’t judge you when you confess “I went all incredible hulk on my kid today. Seriously, after today, I can guarantee I will never be nominated for mother of the year. This will forever be known as the ‘nutrigrain bar’ incident.” Instead, she laughs and tells you how much she loves you.

who send a text saying “I’m a hot mess right now and I need my support system.” Which really means, “Sound the alarm, rally the po-pow sisters, and lets plan a three hour dinner.”

who make jokes about your misery during the first trimester and suggest you try a Harry Potter spell to make yourself feel better.

who drive three hours just to sit with you in your OB’s office, watch uncomfortably as you have a vaginal ultrasound done, then tear up when the little peanut makes his/her picture debut.

who can sense by the tone of your voice that today isn’t a good day and you need them… now. And then smile and laugh when you break down in tears and tell them you are unexpectedly pregnant.

who you can tell anything to… and not only will they not judge you, but will confess that you are not alone in your thoughts or emotions as they have often felt the same things as well.